What do we need, and why do we need to talk about it?
I can’t overemphasize the importance of this question, as not knowing the answer to this can objectively, literally, tangibly, harm us, hurt us, and even be lethal, not just for ourselves but for others around as well, as lack of clarity here also shuts our empathy function, let alone our ability to sacrifice, and yet most people today fail to answer it. Why so? Simply because we don’t know who we are, the very ontological idea about ourselves, our understanding of the very nature of our existence is unfortunately incomplete (thanks to capitalism, modernism, etc.) …
What we know today about what we only encompass particular aspects of our being, like we have a thinking brain like we have an animal-like body, our rational mind is all that matters, and our body must be a slave of the mind (but often the opposite happens), and stuff like, ‘all that I need is a lot of money’ to buy the stuff which the market tells me to buy … our soul, our conscience, our hearts that feel for others, are perhaps irrelevant for this modern view of the self … This lack of self-awareness among the masses was instilled by the architects of the modern world. The idea known as ‘cartesian dualism’, was propagated by René Descartes. It undermined the significance of our physical, intuitive, emotional, or subjective side, so modern man ignored to listen and communicate with it. This disconnect eventually ended up becoming a potent instrument for capitalism, the less we understand the messages from our body or the heart, the easier it gets to manipulate us, not just as consumers, but as workers and voters also.
The modern conception of ‘what we are’ thus has a huge blind spot, Alan Watts believes for example that the ‘unconscious’ is a modern problem, as during pre-modern times, there were cultural protocols in place to not just acknowledge but regulate the very forces of nature which dwell within because of the potential damage they can cause not just to yourself but others around … but today, we simply choose to ignore them, and ironically, are then controlled by them, while our rational minds form this illusion of control … and then scientists like Robert Sapolsky comes up and say we don’t have any free will … but dude, are you studying people who are self-aware, as today most people around perhaps aren’t aware of who they are deep down inside, and thus are controlled by the forces inside they are unaware of …
Yes, that’s what I mean, our lack of awareness about a particular force of nature, which typically emerges as needs, ends up controlling us to the degree we are unaware of them; as our lack of inner awareness does not make them disappear … and the more unconscious we are about their existence, the more they exert their control over our behaviors, actions, decisions, dreams, direction of life, and also how we mess up things for others despite mentally knowing what we must not do in certain situations … (Collectively a society can commit genocide even, because of their inability to understand what they needed or what was preventing them from fulfilling their need so they mistook another group of people as their enemy worthy of annihilations … see my previous article ‘self-awareness is a moral necessity’) …
This is because we aren’t rational beings, we are primarily instinctual and emotional beings, and advertisers and designers of social apps, for example, today fully understand this … Neurologically our reptilian brain (core regulatory network including the amygdala, sympathetic and para-sympathetic nervous system, vagus nerve, etc.) and monkey brain (limbic brain), have an agenda of their own, and the capacity to act autonomously for survival. When you mistakenly touch your hand with a hot iron, your hand automatically pulls itself away even without asking for your permission. Your endocrine system, your digestive system, and the key functions of your body operate on their own without the involvement of your conscious will. The hungrier you get, the angrier or agitated you also get, even if you do not wish to.
However, when you become conscious of a need, like hunger, and you hold it with a sense of purpose (now you are using the prefrontal cortex, the so-called human part of the brain), you can keep yourself hungry for much longer than it would otherwise be possible. Like fasting for a religious reason, letting your children eat first if you are short in supply, etc. However, if you are not conscious of the need, your autonomous part of the brain will not find a purpose to delay gratification, as it is not designed that way, rather it will take charge and influence your action with a force proportional to how starved you are. You might notice the push, even if you don’t understand what it is, the push would intensify with time, even more when you resist it, and the resulting conflict can eventually have collateral damage not just internally, but externally as well, as we might hurt those who have no fault in this war we have with the starving parts of our being.
So, what do we need? Before I share the list, a quick reminder, that without fulfilling the needs - which are not just physiological, but psychological, intellectual, and spiritual even - our survival is at stake, and the harm thus caused is real … that’s not the case with wants, as ‘wants’ emerge in capitalism typically because people fail to understand what they need, and the modern market turns misunderstood needs into wants. So, the more we run after ‘wants’, the more we feel deprived, and then capitalism again makes full use of our desperation and our lack of understanding about what it is exactly that we need.
Here is a list, which I have curated after reading a variety of literature, I will try to cite all authors that I can recall.
Emotional needs
1. To be heard, seen, understood, accepted, and respected unconditionally (as a child). (GM, EF, MW)
2. To complete emotional cycles of anger, grief, and stress (heal emotional wounds). (GM, AM&EM, KR)
3. To feel our feelings, including the feelings which oppose each other at the same time. (Jungians, GM, RS)
4. To have a sense of identity, worth, and sound self-image. (GM, EF)
5. To belong to a group or community (GM, EF)
6. Autonomy to act on intuition and creative impulse. (GM, EF, Jungians)
7. Inner harmony, balance of the opposites, being at peace with yourself. (Jungians)
8. A sense of justice and fairness
Spiritual needs
1. To connect with the Divine. (CJ)
2. To have a sense of morality, and a clear conscience. (CJ, AC)
3. To have a life purpose and meaning. (EF, CJ, VF, AC, FN)
4. To have a conceptual framework/worldview to make sense of painful experiences. (EF)
5. Expansion of consciousness via integration of contents of the unconscious. (Jungians)
6. Being in the present moment, mindfulness. (ET, RS)
7. Seeing the truth, the objective reality of things, while acknowledging the subjective side of the objective (CJ)
8. To have a sense of reverence (anti-dote to ego-inflation, internal imbalance), (CJ, RJ)
9. Cleanliness, different from more physiological hygiene
P.S: fulfilling spiritual needs can compensate for lack of fulfillment on emotional levels.
Physiological needs:
1. Air (breathing) (JN)
2. Nutrients and hydration (healthy food and clean water),
3. Privacy (clothing and shelter etc.),
4. Security,
5. To reproduce (Procreate, create a new us actually),
6. Rest (necessary for restoration and healing), (RC)
7. Movement, (RC)
8. Sleep, (AH, RC)
9. Play,
10. The right temperature,
11. Homeostasis (+autonomic balance) (JM, AL)
12. Hygiene
Intellectual
Satisfy our curiosity, to make sense of things (EF)
Ref: AC: Albert Camus | AH: Andrew Huberman | AL: Anna Lambke | CJ: Carl Jung | EF: Erich Fromm | ET: Eckhart Tolle | FN: Friedrich Nietzsche | GM: Gabor Mate | JN: James Nestor | Jungians: James Hillman, Eric Neumann, Marion Woodman, Alice Miller, Jung himself also etc. | RC: Rangan Chatterjee | RJ: Robert Johnson | RS: Richard Schwartz | VF: Victor Frankle | JM: Jo Marchant
The list is not exhaustive, nor it is organized perfectly, so it can be improved and enhanced. The order is also not in terms of importance. As all of them hold some degree of importance. One may sacrifice one particular need over the other also, like for the sake of security, often we sacrifice other needs, however, that doesn’t mean the need disappears and the resulting starvation on any level will not have its consequences. Also, the nature of deprivation can vary from person to person, which means not all people have the same set of needs not met. However, in modern society, we do see a common thread, like typically the emotional and spiritual needs are often ignored, while some physiological needs as well, like breathing as much air as needed by the body, as most people get stuck in the state of shallow breathing as it helps suppress emotions. So, we suffocate ourselves to fit into modern structures like educational institutions or the corporate world. Also, without realizing that we are depriving ourselves of the fulfillment of emotional and spiritual needs.
Some needs identified in the list may require some elaboration, which would require going into some details which is beyond the scope of this article, the purpose here is rather to point out that there might be a lot of things that we need, sometimes as simple as breathing deeply and feel what we are feeling, and when we are unable to fulfill those need, let alone identify them, let alone recognize that they are even there, we end up hurting ourselves or open the gates of manipulation for individuals or organizations who might want to use us as workers or consumers or political supporters.
Quenching our thirst with a sandwich
How many sandwiches do you need to quench your thirst? If I ask you this question, how would you answer it? The answer is zero, of course, you don’t need sandwiches, not even a soft drink, or juice, you need water. But let's say you are confused about what you need, and I am good at convincing people, so I might convince you “Hey here is a sandwich that you need to have, you might give it a try”, and you might try and feel relieved for a few minutes, further getting into this illusion that it is indeed a sandwich that you needed, but you would shortly realize after having a few sandwiches that it is not eventually helping you.
This seems too obvious. How about you replace the need for water with the need to destress yourself, to cure the headache you are getting due to high stress in your system, I am an advertiser from a pharma company wanting to sell you a painkiller. Do you relate to it now? Or perhaps you needed a friend to speak your heart out about your childhood trauma, but you were so disconnected internally that you couldn’t realize what it is, so you end up going to the movies, perhaps with a friend, or eating something sugary, or anything the market offers today to give you a dopamine hit when you needed oxytocin and serotonin in your system, which rather would require a different set of activities like working out or speaking your heart out.
The same goes for your spiritual needs, do you have a sense of purpose in your life, which as per Albert Camus, is the most important question in Philosophy, Nietzsche would say ‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how’, Frankle and others (cited above) would also agree. And yet the market tells you that what you need is a distraction, buy a new car, go on a vacation, here is a new resort in XYZ location where you can take your family with you, or something else, but what you need was this answer to this ultimate WHY, why you are alive, why you exist … that’ where a transcendental idea often offered by the religions can satiate your need of purpose, as it gives you a sense of meaning to your existence, like doing good to others, listen to your conscience and making it a priority over material gain, sacrifice whenever possible for others in need so that you can be rewarded in the hereafter … and when you are confused about what exactly is right or wrong in a particular situation, religion also often comes as a guide to help you filter out evil from good (is there a guide more comprehensive then Islam in this context?).
To cut the long story short, to satisfy our emotional needs, we need a healthy circle of family and friends around us, a mentor for our spiritual needs (call them psychological if you want to), a mentor who can guide us for the sake of guiding us, and not for the sake of money. The same applies to our family and friends, they aren’t there for some monetary gain, and a mother doesn’t spend time with her child for a paycheck, this applies to all types of informal relationships there are.
So, the market mechanism or market logic of sale and purchase doesn’t apply here, rather can make it difficult for us to even fulfill emotional needs, as what the market offers in this context are mere illusions, which eventually leaves us empty, making us more prone to addiction to stuff that gives us a dopamine hit, but not quenching our thirst in a real sense.
Starvation which eventually ensues, adds to our stress, as stress is essentially caused by unmet needs, like your need to express yourself and feel heard, but there is no one around who wouldn’t judge you, so you bottle up, and as per Gabor Mate, this kind of emotional stress is the highest form of stress … lack of purpose can turn people to suicidal, perhaps more people kill themselves due to a lack of purpose than lack of food or water … poverty for example also drive people to suicide when their purpose is to support their family, children in particular, but they are unable to fulfill their purpose. Loneliness also makes us feel useless and purposeless; thus, loneliness can also take people toward committing suicide.
We can imagine the level of deprivation today by doing a thought experiment mentioned both by Erich Fromm (1944) and Will Storr (2017) in their books. Imagine for a moment that all forms of distractions, from alcohol to psychiatric drugs, narcotics, entertainment, dopamine-releasing products or services, etc. disappear from the modern world, how many people would be killing themselves eventually? It wouldn’t be surprising that suicide might become the number one cause of death in the modern world. It is already among the top 5 in the world at the moment for those between 15–29, even in high-income countries. If this is true, then one can imagine the level of deprivation that exists, despite all the income and riches.
So, when we dwell on the causes, it turns out the absence of the family, community, and the scared, and the abundance of the profane in the modern world. The market wants to be everywhere, it disintegrates the family, turns the relationships into transactions, friends become friends with benefits, and everyone is encouraged to chase money, consume, and die alone in a hospice.
What does that mean? It means, we need to restructure the society, where basic human needs are met. Where the market remains within limits and does not try to offer things it is not meant to offer. Where people have time to spend with their family, friends, and community, helping each other, hearing stories, playing and resting together, seeing those who are vulnerable, offering safe spaces for the grieving and tired, lifting those who are struggling, not because it will give them some monetary advantage, in the end, but because that’s the right thing to do …
There are deeper questions about who we are, what is the purpose of this life, how to balance our personal needs with the needs of others, and the collective needs of the community we are a part of … that’s where the role of the sacred comes into play, which offers us some standards, a direction, and a structure to organize our collective affairs while balancing it with our personal needs, another necessity which for sure cannot be fulfilled by the modern market at least.
Eventually, the time comes when we realize the limitations of the community around us as well, so we look for a more secure ground, and eventually realize who else can it be other than God, Who brings the means to satiate our needs when no one else would … God understands our needs even better, even when we fail to understand what they are, especially in the contemporary focus on the positive only, while negative is seen a negatively, but when we realize what we need is a balance, then the negative is welcomed, as when we are overloaded with the positive, no matter how uncomfortable it may appear, it eventually helps us restore balance … so, this makes it even critical to understand what are our actual needs, as when God brings us something essential we fail to appreciate it because of our oblivion about who we function … Anna Lambke has explained this problem neurologically in her book The Dopamine Nation (watch this animation about her book), see the snap shared below …
Jordan Peterson and Erich Neumann have said that life is eventually a journey from our dependence on a mother to The Mother (the ultimate Creator and Caretaker of the entire universe) … it's another of our need to only rely on one single secure Source of everything, The Source … as when we don’t, we end up clinging to a million things around us, and yet never feeling satisfied due to the temporary nature of everything around us … so we search for this permanence and only finds it within ourselves, this place in our hearts, which connects with the ultimate Source of everything …
The limits of the modern market
What’s the utility of the modern market by the way? We do need a market to exchange stuff, particularly when we are not making it all ourselves, like food, clothing, shelter, medicine, energy, transportation, etc. much of our physiological needs, and the means that may help us fulfill them, however, modern market is failing here as well, as the food it sells us is junk food, privacy is a huge question mark in the digital world today, medicines also do not cure us mostly, rather they only help in ‘managing’ the symptoms most of the time, our need to play is used to get us addicted to devices, corporate work life unbalance barely allow people enough physical activity, while our libido is used as another resource for the market to sell us products or services, overloading of dopamine via junk food and addictive devices keep our homeostasis disturbed most of the time, forcing our nervous system to make us feel sick in a desperate attempt to restore balance, leaving us feeling depressed (see Anna Lambke’s book The Dopamine Nation).
Byung Chul Han (in his book The Burnout Society) argues that the market today is overloading us, and this overloading is burning us out, FOMO is exhausting people to death, as opposed to fear of starvation in earlier generations. I argue, that one cannot drink more than a certain quantity of water in a day, as we know how much of it is needed, and if we are drinking more than we need, it might hurt us, but such a case is seldom observed, overeating however is a problem as our taste buds when simulated by sugar and other taste enhancers, offers us an easy escape, and many of us can’t get enough of it. And it’s not just food that we overconsume. We are burying ourselves into our screens. Why so? We, in a state of profound disconnect, are trying to quench our thirst by eating a sandwich or an ice cream, or whatever.
The modern market for a long time has made people forget who they are and mimic anyone who can’t get enough of anything. This has pushed parts of modern humans into the shadow, which are perhaps coming out with a sense of vengeance, however, the market again is quick to grab the opportunity, as any resistance today is used by capitalism to help the capitalist make more money. This resistance is being offered by far left, the feminists, the LGBQTIA+ movements, who want to break free from any traditional restrictions, calling it patriarchal, without realizing, that they are again becoming the very tools of those who capitalize on the disconnect we have with the reality of who we are. The oppressive order is being replaced by destructive chaos (to use Jordan Peterson’s terms), but the opportunists are using it again to make money, the pharma industry is raking in millions per person going through surgeries and hormonal treatments for example, new markets of all sorts are being created, as people cannot accept who they are.
What’s the way out?
So, what is needed? We need to understand and accept who we are, and what we need, connect with our souls, and learn our needs … but it is a harrowing process, as one has to realize how hurt and starved, we are. The trauma, and the confusion, become more obvious when we stop to distract ourselves and begin to approach our shadows. The parts of us who have been ignored, scream back, and charge at us in anger for being kept in chains in the dark for so long … but there is no other way, if we intend to understand who we are, we have to look into the abyss, and embrace what lurks in the darkness, but create a safe channel for it to escape, so we eventually put ourselves on the journey to satiate ourselves with what we need, or seek God’s help for that purpose. Not easy of course, but is there an option?
Leaving unhealthy patterns isn’t easy, like leaving heroin for example … can an addict immediately leave it? Of course not, as the body will retaliate violently, but does it mean this person needs heroin? Of course, not … The Same is the case with anything we cling to, to escape from who we are, so we have to be careful, as the restorative process to natural settings isn’t easy. Forget heroin, leaving caffeine can be torturous for people. Withdrawal effects however can be minimized if the transition is kept slow, it is still painful, but necessary.
The next daunting task is to fix the society as well, keep the market within its limits, and revive the organic social life, and the sacred … those who say it is progressive, need to question their idea of progressiveness. Cancer also progresses in our bodies, should we be appreciative of it? Capitalism is referred to by many as cancer as well, so any progress it has created which has forced all life forms including humans to live in a very unnatural environment, has caused enough damage already. If we need air to breathe, we need air, weed fumes cannot replace it for example, so there is no question of progress here. Capitalism’s progress has been in the direction of replacing the natural with the artificial, then managing the side effects with more artificial stuff, and once the side effects become unmanageable, it sells us illusions so that we forget the damage is even there in the first place.
So, we need an alternative way of organizing the society, but to do that first we need to identify who we are and set sail in the direction where our needs are met. This is essential for preserving the natural environment as well, as much of the industrial activity has been producing stuff that we do not need. Often, we confuse means with needs as well, also often we confuse the stuff designed to help us survive in the environments created by the modern market as needs, like an automobile, and the fuel of course that we need to put inside the automobile, but we only need it because the way market forces structured the entire society. And it is structured on a very flawed logic about who we are and what we need. So, when we will begin to understand our needs, the effect will be very far-reaching and deep …
But that’s a long shot, and that will require the masses to gain self-awareness which they don’t likely have, so it’s unrealistic to expect that such a change happen in our lifetime, nevertheless, we need to know what we need, so that we can make choices which serves our interest, and not the interest of those who see us as raw material for use in the form of a worker or a consumer or a voter or a user of an electronic device.
